3 questions that heal birth trauma

When I first developed and started teaching TBR 3 Step Rewind over 9 years ago now everyone was focused was on learning the ‘magic’ exercise Rewind.

In fact, even now it is ‘Rewind’ that gets a lot of attention and hullaballoo, especially from NHS England!

But more important than Rewind, which happens at step 2, is all the healing that is contained in step 1.

Solution focused questions (SFQs) are what makes the 3 steps safe, gentle and very effective.

Why?

1.   They allow us to guide a parent’s attention away from their past birth trauma and pain and towards their future hope. They make the process SAFE.

2.   They build new neural circuitry by connecting new feelings, thoughts and behaviours together by triggering the imagination that is fired when thinking of the answer to the question. They are TRANSFORMATIVE.

3.   Although these thoughts, feelings and responses are imagined in the answer given, to the brain, it’s as good as real. This is why they are so EFFECTIVE.

4.   Solution focused questions always use the parent’s own language, metaphors and phrases and as such allow us to work ‘cleanly’ and not bring our own ideas, thoughts or intentions to the persons healing. This makes SFQ a very permissive and GENTLE technique.

The only problem with a Solution Focused approach is that it takes practice, patience and commitment.

This is what we hone, master and practice in our training courses.

But you can get started by trying out these 3 questions for starters:

·      What are your best hopes for the future if there was nothing standing in your way?

·      If the blame (or use whatever negative feeling they have stated) was lifted what else do you think would change?

·      If you woke up tomorrow and the guilt (or use whatever negative feeling they have stated) was gone what is the first thing you would notice?

Each of these questions will trigger a search for the answer and it’s in finding the answer that change happens.

A person can find a different feeling, a different thought, a different response.

SFQ are best applied once trust and rapport have been established and after someone has considered how their birth or perinatal trauma continues to impact on them day to day.

Trust and rapport are established by giving the person time to talk and by recognising and validating their feelings about the birth trauma they experienced.

Confidence is built when parents know what to expect. By explaining ahead of time that your listening session involves being solution focused about their future goals you can set the expectation and begin to build confidence.

Once their present situation has been acknowledged and validated then focusing on what the person would like to be experiencing instead is a good way of pivoting their attention away from their problem state.

It’s 100% natural for most of us to state our answers initially in the negative ‘well I just wouldn’t feel anxious’ for example, but it is essential that answers are stated in the positive and are stated by the person themselves (rather than corrected by the person asking the questions). So, the next question could be ‘and if you weren’t feeling anxious, what would that feel like instead?’

Be patient and gently keep on asking until you get the positively stated answer.

Use and repeat back the words, feelings, changes, and differences that they have stated.

Think of this exercise like painting a picture.

Keep asking questions that fill in the detail of their goal state.

The parents that I support love working this way and it is how I have created a thriving practice over the past 15 years.

If you would like to learn the skills, techniques and practices that can transform parents health then check out our courses here.

Or book a call  to find out if a course is the right one for you.