What is the difference between empathy and compassion and why does it matter?

Earlier this week I posted on social media about the difference between empathy and compassion and how, when it comes to supporting parents recovery from trauma, the latter is a better response than the former.

This isn’t the first time I have posted this, now, quite commonly held and often debated view (compassion is preferable to empathy when it comes to care) but what was surprising were the vehement views about empathy and compassion that came forth.

These can roughly be divided into two camps:

·      Those who identify as ‘empaths’ and believe that empathy is a necessary component of any caring profession.

·      Those who believe they are already compassionate and that there is nothing new to be learnt there.

It’s almost as if there is a confusion or a convergence of these two things.

Many people think that they are interchangeable, similar, or alike.

I believe that compassion and empathy are two very different responses.

Empathy is a human response that allows us to feel what someone else is feeling, or at least have a deep understanding of what another is feeling.

This is problematic for those of us in caring, supporting roles.

If someone is upset, when we engage with empathy then we can become upset with them. Upset, we are unable to provide a grounded, safe space for that person to heal.

Empathy is an identifying response. ‘We feel the same, we are the same.’ and the therefore the opposite too: ‘I feel nothing like you, we are not alike. In fact, we are separate.’

Identifying with those who are like us through empathetic feeling can cause us to discriminate against those who we share no empathy with. This is a key consideration for institutions where racism and prejudice lead to poorer outcomes for those who are BIPOC.

So you can see how problematic empathy really is.

If we rely on empathy to care then we will probably be falling short quite a lot, especially in healthcare settings where there is such a diverse client base.

Feeling what others are feeling all day, every day is exhausting and causes fatigue.

We talk about carers experiencing compassion fatigue but really it would be more accurate to call this empathy fatigue.

Empathy is a natural human response. It is an important aspect of socialisation, relationships and bonding.

We couldn’t turn it off, even if we wanted to, it’s an automatic response in healthy humans.

Empathy is often an impulsive response. We just 'feel for a person'.

Compassion is interesting because it doesn’t appear to have the moral appeal of empathy.

And I wonder if that’s because empathy, appears like a natural, automatic response.

It’s easily felt and activated but compassion is something that has to be practiced and consciously applied.

Or maybe it’s because empathy has a moral imperative.

Compassion is a mindful act that can be taught and practiced.
Compassion is showing kindness.
Compassion is deliberately caring with the intention of making someone feel better.
Compassion is a decision to apply love instead of fear.
Compassion is a choice.
Compassion is always given unconditionally and not because someone has ‘consented’ or agreed or pleased the care provider, or because the care provider feels the same as them (empathises).

Both empathy and compassion can unite us together but only compassion can facilitate unconditional kindness and care.

Only compassion can provide us with the mindful presence to care well, without becoming burnt out because of empathetic engagement.

Engaging with compassion, rather than empathy, is central to all of our courses, as it the practice of mindfulness.

If you are interested in learning how mindful compassion is a vital tool in supporting parents recovery from all kinds of perinatal trauma then you will be interested to know that the course TBR 3 Step is on sale now.

Until Friday 14th at midnight new students can enrol and learn this transformational process for just £1056 (normally £1320) or take advantage of our promotional payment plan and join for just 12 monthly payments of £90.